"I've learned the best things in my life are the things that come like a flow or are as easy as a dance and they come to me when I'm not looking or trying too hard....just showing up with authenticity :)

13th July 2010

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Did I miss the boat?

Do you ever feel like you’ve missed the boat? In anything…dating…life/job dreams…life in general? I have a brain that seems to work on overtime and keep going while I see most people around me enjoying the moment, I am onto the next constantly preparing for the next stop on the tour. Like “Oh wow the Grand Canyon is great but I cannot wait until I get to Mount Rushmore”. Then I get to mount Rushmore and I can’t wait to see The Empire State Building. Then I catch myself feeling not fulfilled and always looking for the next thing and then I feel guilty as there are many people on this planet that will never leave the village they were born in. 

The Buddhists say that happiness comes with acceptance. Same with many 12 step programs. “My serenity is directly proportional to my acceptance.” I see how this is true and has been true for me. There does come a point though when we feel the need to move, to do something, anything to feel like we are moving forward. I am at this point yet again. 

For the majority of my life I have been single. Honestly it is as simple as it has just never felt right. Really, that simple! Through the years I’ve taken on a lot of other people’s opinions on the subject and how I must have “trust” issues or “intimacy” issues…etc It has taken me a while to see that…um no maybe it really just has never been right. 

There have been people that I could have been with to just be with and not be alone, however I think I would feel more alone in a relationship like that and how fair would that be for me and the other person? I think we all deserve to be loved and love passionately and I am waiting for that. Granted as I get older, I realize that the person I am looking for may not match the “movie of my life” in my head person as far as looks…job..etc… but I think you get my point.

Anyway, I am really holding onto “It’s Never Too Late”….I hope I never lose my light for this or my grip :)

Thanks for reading :)

~Starr

Tagged: love,livethinkingponderingacceptancemotivationtoo latehope

  1. starrsaunders posted this